What would you say if I asked “Do you have a vision for your life?”
Chances are, your answer would be along the lines of:
- Damn – yep – I’ve been meaning to get around to working that out
- Nope – I’m just letting life take me where it want to go
- Seriously?? I can barely make it through the day, let alone think about future
- I’ve got goals for me life – that’s a vision, right??
Or if you’re like me in the past – it was probably a combination of all of the above! I mean, who has time to create a vision when day-to-day life has us in a stranglehold – and we’re just so damn busy…checking off To Do lists, being who we think we’re supposed to be, achieving what we believe others expect of us, squeezing action into every last second of our day…because heaven forbid we leave time to think about what our deepest desires are!
Yep – I’ve certainly been there!! And not just briefly.
For many years I had an accidental life…
Sure, I was achieving “grown up” stuff – careers, families, financial security – all the head success stuff. And don’t get me wrong – that was all important…there’s nothing scarier than starting a business and wondering if you’re able to afford payroll that week – let alone having to tell your kids it’s pasta for dinner for the fourth night in a row!
But although I wasn’t just hoping that life would work out – I had very clear goals on what I wanted to achieve – I didn’t have a clear vision for my life. The goals were great – they were the stepping stones continually taking me forward – but the problem was, I had no idea where I was going or what I wanted to do when I got there!
The big issue? I didn’t know my Why…
I didn’t know why I was here, what I was meant to achieve, what difference I wanted to make in the world, who I wanted to be as a person, what life I wanted to live, and how I wanted to feel each and every day.
I didn’t know how to be a part of something bigger than me…because being me was all I had time and energy for!
Bottom line? I had head success but no heart success…
I was asleep at the wheel while life careered out of control all around me. My busy, successful, spectacular life lacked intent…it lacked meaning and there wasn’t a lot of purpose in there either – other than just making it through the day!
But deep down inside, I knew it wasn’t enough to just make it through the day – to fall exhausted into bed every night not feeling that I’d achieved anything of meaning…to wake up each morning and not feel alive…to just accept that this was all I was destined for.
I knew it was time to call in the big guns…to ask myself the tough questions about the life I wanted to create…and then be prepared to act on the answers. I knew it was time to show up and do the work so that I was in charge of my life rather than the other way around…and yet…I stalled.
Part of me was too scared to put into words the life I truly wanted to live – the person I wanted to be – the difference I wanted to make…because I wasn’t sure if I could dream big enough. If I was going to commit to a vision it would need to be a damn spectacular one – something that made a significant impact on my life and the lives of others.
True to form – my vision had to be a mind-blowing game changer…
Yet although I was frightened of playing small and safe, I was more frightened of not hitting my mark. Of not achieving. Of being rejected. The concept of failure was intimidating…so I did nothing. I was paralysed. And maybe…just maybe…it was easier to let life just happen to me rather than take control – that way I didn’t have to take the blame if things went wrong!
There’s a great quote from Cheryl Strayed that sums up how I felt:
“There’s a pain that comes after you’ve made a choice to do something differently because that’s when you and others will question it”
And I didn’t want to be questioned…or judged for that matter!
But here’s the thing…not choosing to determine my vision was a choice within itself. It meant that I was OK with life, circumstances and others defining my world for me.
It also meant – to paraphrase the amazing Caroline Myss, that I was:
“…living the life I thought I should lead rather than the life that was pushing its way into my consciousness”
Eventually – if you stall long enough – the Universe gets tired of your antics and steps in…and it stepped in big time in my case. Eventually I had no choice but to come face to face with the core essence of who I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to bring to the world.
And strangely enough…I learnt that my vision didn’t need to be big or spectacular – it didn’t need to set the world on fire, I didn’t need to build huge not-for-profit organisations, or set up new charities or blow my life up – my vision just needed to be meaningful to me…and to let me live the truth of who I am and who I want to be.
It just needed to light my own fire, to give me direction, to hold my course and to enable me to trust that in my own small way I was making a difference.
Slowly slowly, I let my vision emerge rather than force it out. I started with asking questions:
- What does my ideal life look like
- What do I want to do in my life
- What difference do I want to make in the world
- What impact do I want to make in the lives of others
- What am I doing when I feel the most whole
- What gives me immense joy
- What gives me energy
- What am I really passionate about
- What personal qualities and values do I aspire to
- What will success mean at the end of my life
- What gives my life real meaning
I sat with these questions for a long time…
I let them percolate and really grow in texture and feeling. I carried a Vision notebook and wrote down my dreams, thoughts and emotions every time an idea popped into my head. I sat with them in silence, and I checked them with people I trusted.
Importantly, I tested them with my heart. Whenever an answer came to me, I checked in with my heart to get an immediate reaction – to see whether it was a truth. One thing I’ve learnt is that if you get an emotion straight away it’s from the heart…if there’s a delay, it’s from the head. Head ideas were nixed! Time to start working from the heart!
And so, a vision for my life was formed…and it’s been my guiding light for over four years now. But as always – life continues to change – we step into different stages in our lives, and with that, our vision often needs a little fine tuning.
A few weeks ago, I “emerged” from a 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreat – which is a whole blog in itself!! Stay tuned for the story of that a little later! But in the beautiful – if not “somewhat challenging” eleven hours a day of meditation, a new vision didn’t just wander out – it exploded – with so much clarity and force that I didn’t need to double check it. I just knew.
Sometimes it happens like that – sometimes visions need to grow and evolve – sometimes they slap you hard in the face to get your attention! There’s no right or wrong – the only mistake you can make when determining the vision for your life is not listening to your heart. Your heart will tell you loud and clear if you’re quiet enough to listen.
And sometimes your vision hides and waits for the right time…
This one did for me. For years I saw signs…but I didn’t connect the dots, so the messages stayed deep in my subconscious – until I was ready. They’ve been sitting quietly in my heart for about five years now just waiting…patiently…silently growing. Until two weeks ago!
Now, one of the most important things you can do to help keep your vision alive is to share it – to tell the people you love so that they can support you and hold you accountable. I would love to share my vision with you right now – but there are a couple of loose ends I have to tie up first…so hold that thought.
But suffice to say, my heart is full to overflowing when I think about it…so it’s a cracker…and it’ll be good enough to keep me going until I’m 90. Then I might look to renegotiate it!! But we’ll see.
So set forth to determine your vision…
Get clear on the truth of who you are and who you want to be. Be confident in looking for deeper purpose in your life, knowing that when you have that clarity you can withstand just about anything that life throws at you…and be brave enough to step into the difference that only you can make in this world.
Be brave. Go vision a life of intent…vision a life of meaning…vision a life that’s bigger than just you because you’re meant to be not just changing your own life but positively changing the lives of others.
But above all – vision a life that gives you joy…and one, that when it’s all over and done with, let’s you smile and say quietly “I did good”!!
