OK – so full confession…I’m a recovering perfectionist. I’d like to say I have this whole “need for perfection” shit beaten – but I don’t.  Far from it. I take it one day at a time. Because just when I think I really do believe that I am perfect just as I am – warts and all – I catch sight of my butt in a mirror and the whole shame, blame and judgement of perfection bites me…really hard…and usually in the ass.

For one perceivable minute, I see the “offending object” and panic – I instantly tell myself I need to go on a juice fast or do more glute work…or I’ll just have to walk into every room backwards for the rest of my life, so that no one will notice the size of my butt…and then I catch myself.  I breathe.  And I remind myself that although I’m not perfect, I’m enough – just as I am.  In fact, I’m more than enough.

But it’s a tough battle – especially when you’ve spent a lifetime turning “Perfection” into an art form. When you can’t appreciate and accept yourself for being enough just the way you are, you create an emptiness.  A void.  And if you’re unable to find love within yourself to fill that gap, you hunt relentlessly for it externally.  Which is – not surprisingly – exactly what I did.

Being “perfect” gave me complete validation…

My self-worth was inextricably linked to what I achieved and what people thought of me. And let me tell you – if the only value I saw in myself was through others, I needed to make damn sure what they saw was spectacular!!

And my execution was flawless – most of the time! Hell, I could win multi-million dollar deals with one hand while making papier mache dragon heads with the other – all while effortlessly sporting “The Look”.  Think “Real Housewives” but without the boobs!!  The highest of high heels, the shortest of short skirts, make up immaculately applied (OK – that part was a necessity) – I ate “Perfection” for breakfast.

I was perfect in all areas of my life – the perfect corporate player, the perfect mum, the perfect wife…the inspiring go-getter, the leader, the ultra-athlete, the adrenalin junkie…and I secretly (OK – and I’m embarrassed to admit this) loved the awe that came with “I don’t know how she does it all”…yep.  Perfection personified.

But at what cost??

Turns out – at the cost of my soul.  Keeping up this crazy façade, slowly…and then very quickly, started to kill me. The energy it took to sustain perfection was staggering. This never-ending search for faultlessness controlled me, consumed me and exhausted me.  I could never let my guard down – or my stomach out – for minute!

I truly believed that if I worked perfect, looked perfected, acted perfect then I’d be safe – free from the judgement of others.

And the pressure to “have it all together” eventually brought me to my knees.  My perfect life finally cracked at the seams until it split right open.

But here’s the thing…

There’s no such thing as perfection!

As Brene Brown so eloquently puts it:

“Perfectionism is the ultimate fear that the world will see you for who you really are, and you won’t measure up.  It’s striving for a world that doesn’t exist.”

Oh yeah – that nailed it.  That was my greatest fear – that I’d be seen for who I truly was, and that who I was just wasn’t enough.  And it was an impossible task – a losing battle – a vicious never-ending cycle.  Apart from anything else, I kept getting older and everything just kept getting lower – and there was nothing I could do about it!  “Perfection” kept slipping out of my reach…or dropping down my thighs!

I clung to the dream in the fear that I wouldn’t be loved if I wasn’t perfect.  But here’s the funny thing – not many people can relate to you when you’re “perfect”.  Who wants to hang out with the “perfect” powerhouse who just makes them feel inadequate??

That was one part of striving for perfection that I never saw.  I knew the impact the endless pushing was having on me personally, but I didn’t see the knock-on effect on the people around me.  Seriously – when I finally allowed myself to be vulnerable – to admit to not having my shit together, to needing help and to asking for support, the whole world started to open up to me.

And it was amazing!!

The pressure was off, and I was free to be myself. 

And strangely – people still seemed to like me…droopy butt and all!

What I’ve learnt – as always, the hard way – it that perfectionism is very different from working hard and doing your best.  It’s not about a healthy striving for excellence – instead it’s an unobtainable, conflicting, and limiting expectation.  From experience, it’s a massive shield we wear, thinking it’ll keep us safe and protect us – when in fact all it does is stop us from being seen.

It stops us from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.  It stops us from being able to express the truth of who we really are, what we’re feeling, what we’re needing and being able to open our souls up to the world.

The fear of failure in perfectionism also stops us from trying things…for years I didn’t meditate because I couldn’t do it “perfectly” (there is no such thing by the way)…or I wouldn’t play golf (and maybe that’s a good thing)…and it also gives us a place to hide…”I’m gonna set the world on fire when I’m bullet proof and perfect”.  But that’s never going to happen.  We’re never going to be perfect.  And that’s OK.

And it’s so exhausting!! 

There are so many more amazing places to put our energy into rather than worrying about the size of our thighs, whether our nail polish matches our lipstick, whether our crème caramel looks like it came out of a 3-star Michelin restaurant, or whether our kids have all the buttons sewn on their school shirts.  Trust me – none of that matters.

What matters is that we let go of this insatiable need to be perfect – and in its place we let in peace.  We let go of judgement – and we let ourselves just be.

I love this quote from the inimitable Guru Singh:

“We’re not here to prove what we can do, but to improve what we can’t do.”

And that’s the trick. We don’t need to prove a thing…

It’s about practice not perfection.  It’s about striving for excellence but in an environment of self-compassion.  Because just as we are – just as you are – you are enough.  And in being enough, we give ourselves permission to be who we’re meant to be in this world.  Our perfectly imperfect, beautiful, loving, loved, spectacular selves.

So give it a try…let go of perfection and see how you fly!!