One of the biggest lessons in life for me has been learning about the power of Connectivity…learning that we are all connected. We might believe we’re individual – that we’re unique – that we’re special – and to a degree we are. But in reality, deep down we are all one. We all want the same things – we want to be loved, to be happy, to be seen and heard, and we want to matter. We’re actually hard wired for connectivity – it’s why we’re here. Connectivity gives real purpose and meaning to our lives…and instinctively we crave authentic connection…
Then why is it so hard to do?
In my “life before spiritual awakening” – otherwise known as my “ever so slight breakdown” – I rarely connected with people. Sure, I connected with my family and friends…and hopefully my colleagues (although they might say something different!), but the majority of strangers that crossed my path during the day, I barely acknowledged. I didn’t mean to be rude…I was just busy…. too wrapped up in my own world to register the light in the eyes of the person in front of me. I rarely saw them.
But being a solo Aussie woman on a superbike with BC plates in the middle of Nowhere USA, really changed that. Whether I wanted to connect or not didn’t matter… the world wanted to connect with me!
Being alone gave people confidence in their curiosity…
No matter where I was – whether it was a gas station, a coffee queue, a car park…complete strangers opened their hearts and connected with me. Deeply and profoundly.
Within seconds we’d be deep in conversation…and within minutes we’d be deep in heart, as people told me their stories…stories about not having spoken to their brother in 10 years, stories about letting the love of their life go, stories about being too fearful to follow their dreams…
What amazed me was how open people were…
As we talked they really gave of themselves – with little fear of judgement.
They were honest and genuine. They didn’t need to prove anything, there were no facades…no need for perfection…all qualities I’d desperately held onto through my life! They just showed up… as their true vulnerable, authentic selves…and as the hard edged, emotionally constipated, guarded warrior that I was, their approach took my breathe away!
You could talk from the heart and still survive??
Interesting concept!!
And all they wanted from me was my attention. To feel seen and heard and valued. They didn’t care about my business card, my title, my role. All that mattered was how I chose to show up…how I chose to be totally present…and how I engaged with them.
These precious capsules of connection taught me amazing lessons about life and about myself. One by one, conversation by conversation – the connections I made on the road chipped away at me – they touched my heart, they broke through my defences, and they helped bring a whole new meaning into my world.
Learning the power of connection changed my life…
It taught me that the greatest gift I could give someone was my attention – to be fully present and to listen. But it was also the greatest gift I could give myself. There’s nothing quite like the buzz of making a difference to someone – even through the tiniest bit of engagement.
But I also learnt that making a connection with someone is a conscious choice…and it’s a choice I had to make – not just every day, but with every opportunity I had with the people I met – whether it was at a gas station, a supermarket, or a coffee shop.
I quickly realised that in making that choice, the energy I received back was directly proportional to the energy I put out. If I chose to engage in conversation – to be genuinely interested in the people I met, then the energy came back double. But if I couldn’t be bothered making the connection, the conversation became a transaction. There was no energy, no bond, no interaction – and it felt soulless.
Choosing to connect gave me real joy…
It was powerful for me to learn, that when I saw everybody as one, my perspective changed immediately, and I learnt to suspend judgement. Time after time on my journey I’d come across people I would have previously crossed the street to avoid – usually the real deal Harley riders who scared the hell out of me – tats all over their body (well, the bits I could see), bandanas, teeth missing, hands like meat grinders…usually with a beer in hand…but when I reminded myself that we’re all one – and braved the conversation – I was constantly blown away by how amazing, kind, funny, helpful and cheeky these guys were…and how supportive they were of me. Every single time.
In the early days on the road – one look and I would have made a snap judgement about who they were, what they stood for and what they’d be like…and I’d have run a mile. Just goes to show you how wrong you can be – and what amazing connections I would have missed!
But starting from the belief that we were all one, helped me come from such a different perspective – one that let me connect with people from my heart and not my head!
I learnt that connectivity also takes vulnerability…
If you’re to connect at a truly deep level, you have to be brave – you have to have the courage to be seen, to ask for what you need, to talk about how you’re feeling, to have the tough conversations…but in that vulnerability, you also lay your cornerstone for growth. Because when you realise through your openness that you’re just like everyone else – it gives you the confidence to truly be yourself. And damn that’s a great place to be!
There’s a beautiful quote from Maya Angelou that I love:
“People may not remember what you did, or what they said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
Connectivity for me – is about how I make people feel. Every day, I consciously set my intention to connect – to take the time to make people I meet feel special, and that they matter. Whether that’s checking in with a barista as they’re making my coffee…striking up a conversation with a stranger at a grocery store, holding a door open for someone longer than is comfortable…I choose to initiate the connection – and to put the energy out there.
But connection doesn’t always have to be obvious…
On my journey one day, a stranger in a coffee queue offered to buy me a coffee. He explained that he was “buying a coffee forward” – it was a random act of kindness, and my only job was to pass the favour on.
I continued to do this for the rest of my journey…and it’s something I try to do every day. Some days – depending on my “audience” – I’ll offer to buy the person behind me a coffee. Other days, I’ll just slip the barista some cash and ask them to offer an anonymous free coffee to someone deserving. Either way…someone gets a moment of feeling special.
Nothing prepared me for the joy I’ve found in connectivity…that moment when you’re able to touch someone’s heart – to help them feel seen and valued…to help them know that in the chaos of this world, they matter. And maybe I’m being selfish – because I know I get far more back than I give, but when I connect with others I know that somewhere deep inside, I’m connecting with the person I truly want to be in this world.
And in the moment – my light gets the chance to shine!
