I forget.  All the time.

In the craziness of the world – in the wildness of the life that I’ve created where often there is no gap between action and no space between breath, I sometimes forget.

I get busy.  I get caught up.  I get so focused on moving forward – on achieving, growing, making a difference that I forget. I forget what matters most.  I forget to be.

And I forget – or chose to ignore (yep – there’s a big difference!!) – all the hard lessons that I’ve learnt along the way on the tempestuous journey of life!

I forget to consciously connect and to be grateful.

I forget to hang out in the present, and to surrender and let go.  I forget that I am a human being not a human doing!

And in that forgetting I start to trip over myself.  I go back to creating and believing stories, I cling to control, I get fixated on goals and achievement – the “head” stuff – pleasing, performing and perfection.  All the things I thought I’d learnt and moved on from!

Damn!!  When does this stuff ever stick???

How is it that I congratulate myself on stepping forward in my learning and growth, only to find myself not just stepping backwards but actually ending up on my butt dusting myself off and having to learn the same lesson again and again!! (Maybe the “congratulating” has something to do with it!!  Something to work on for sure!!)

The thing is – these lessons are hard…  

It takes a long time to learn them (not surprising given how long we’ve fought against them!) and even longer for them to become ingrained in our DNA – part of our essence – part of our soul.  We need to keep practicing and practicing and practicing – until one day they’re just there.  They’ve become so innate that they’re as natural as breathing.

But I am not even close to that place!!  Maybe after I’ve been “work in progress” for another thirty years!!  And that’s a big “maybe”!

Because I know that I’m often moving way too fast to hold onto the learning.  Deep in my soul, I can feel that things are “off” – that I’m losing my connection to me and to the things that are important in my life, but in the chaos, I don’t take the time to acknowledge the intuitive growling that tells me to check in with myself.  After all – there’s so much to do!!!  I don’t have time to just be!!

Really?  Ah grasshopper – still so much to learn!!

And that’s why for me, a reset is so important…  

It’s critical I take time to course correct – to make the small adjustments I need to stay on course – adjustments that on the outside may not be visible, but on the inside bring me back to where and who I’m meant to be.

I’ve learnt – finally – that making minute navigational changes and course corrections regularly is a lot easier than trying to turn the whole damn ship around.  Huh – now there’s a surprise!!

And so I ride.

That’s how I reset.  Every year I take the time to get on my bike and disappear for a few weeks.  I might not always know the actual destination – but I know what the journey needs to feel like – what I want to experience, how I want to connect and who I want to be. Being on the road gives me the space, the challenges and the opportunities to reflect, readjust and reset.

And it gives me a chance to remember the lessons that I understand intellectually – from a head perspective – but that I’ve sometimes forgotten from a heart perspective.

I headed out on my bike recently – riding through Canada and the US for a few weeks breathing and connecting. I know I shouldn’t technically need a “place” to connect and breathe but being on my bike certainly takes me there.  It helps me be present, and it’s my happy place…most of the time – unless I’m in the middle of a torrential downpour!  Then it becomes my “learning to be grateful for what is” place!

This trip gave me so many beautiful gifts, but I thought I’d share the three key learnings that impacted me the most – and that I’m consciously trying to remember every day:

1. Connectivity is a Choice

In the chaos of life – and certainly when I’m in the city, I forget to connect.  It’s not that I mean to be rude, but I’m often so busy – head down – task beckoning – that I miss seeing the light in someone’s eyes.  I don’t see them as they truly are – a beautiful spirit full of dreams hopes, fears, aspirations…I forget to see the humanity right in front of me – a precious soul hoping for a flicker of recognition.  Instead I see someone who’s taking too long to get me my damn coffee!

One of the biggest reminders on this trip, is that we’re all connected. We might believe we’re individual – that we’re unique – that we’re special – and to a degree we are.  But in reality, we’re one.  We all want the same things – we want to love and be loved, we want to be happy, we want to be heard, we want to matter…and when we see ourselves as connected, our perspective and judgement changes immediately.

Through meeting so many wild, colourful and complex characters on the road – all of whom had a story to tell – I remembered that the greatest gift I can give someone is my attention – to be fully present and to listen.  And believe me – I listened to some crazy stories!! But listening wholeheartedly is also the greatest gift I can give myself. There’s nothing quite like the buzz of making a difference to someone – even through the tiniest bit of engagement.

But making a connection is a conscious choice…and it’s a choice I have to make – not just every day, but with every opportunity I have with the people I meet – whether it’s at a gas station, a supermarket, or a coffee shop.

And in making that choice, the energy I receive back is directly proportional to the energy I put out. If I choose to engage in conversation – to be genuinely interested in the people I meet, then the energy comes back double.  But if I can’t be bothered making the connection, the conversation became a transaction.  There’s no energy, no bond, no interaction – and it feels soulless.

So Lesson Number One for me – remember to choose to connect – and to see the amazing the light in others.

2. I Belong to Me

Being solo on the road and travelling to new destinations nearly every day can be disorientating – and not just because I can’t find the bathroom in a new hotel in the middle of the night!

It can be disorientating because I sometimes feel like a nomad – that I don’t belong anywhere – that I’m ungrounded and rootless.  Which of course geographically I am.  But not emotionally.

Whenever I feel a little astray, I go back to that beautiful quote from Maya Angelou:

“You only are free when you realise you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great… I belong to myself.”

 This trip reminded me that I belong everywhere, and I belong to me – as long as I don’t betray myself. The minute I become what other people want me to be in order to fit in, then I no longer belong anywhere.

Many people—including me initially, believed I was being selfish taking time out on the bike…that my family would worry about me, I was potentially putting myself at risk and I was thinking of myself.  Yep. Guilty as charged. But I’ve learnt that there’s a big difference between being selfish and being “selffull”.

Being selffull means acknowledging your own needs, being kind to yourself, not letting your own tank get empty (always important on a superbike!) and consciously taking care of all areas of your life—mind, body and soul. And one thing is for sure – I can’t take care of anyone until I’ve taken care of myself.

So Lesson Two – In being selffull – in not compromising what I need to be true to myself – I belong everywhere – and I belong to me…even if I still can’t find the bathroom in the dark!

3.  Be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

A superbike is not a comfortable place to be…especially if you’re vertically challenged. You spend most of the day with your body bent over like a pretzel, with your knees usually up around your ears like earrings!  Suffice to say – I’m used to being very uncomfortable – physically!

But emotionally uncomfortable?  Now that’s often a different story.  It’s called a “comfort zone” for a reason – and there are certainly times where that’s the only place I want to be!  I don’t want the dread or anxiety of being uncomfortable – I want things to be safe, and exactly as they are – thank you very much!!

But being on my bike has taught me – once again – that I have to get used to the feeling of being uncomfortable.  I have to relax and breathe into the feeling of fear – of uncertainty – of not knowing how things are going to turn out.  And to be OK with that.  To trust that no matter what comes my way, I can get through it – no matter how tough it is I will be OK – and no matter what happens – I will grow.

Being uncomfortable means that a storm is brewing – that growth is about to happen.  And when I can be OK with not being OK, I can let go and allow that growth occur.  Even if that growth is about conquering my fears at having to ride through a complete white-out on top of an icy mountain!   I think I grew about 10 cm that day!

I know I’m really fortunate – when I feel like I’m going off the rails, or I’m struggling to live in my integrity, I go to my happy place – my bike – and head off for a reset to remind myself what’s real, what’s important, what difference I want to make in this world and how I want to show up.

And it’s tough being in my helmet eight hours a day.  There aren’t a lot of places to hide. There’s no escaping.  I can’t run away – I have to face the facts and the truth – no matter how ugly it gets!  And it does get ugly – but for me – as a place to reflect, to reinvigorate, to redirect – being on my bike is perfect.

But you don’t need weeks on a bike to press the reset button…

You just need time to be still, and time to be slow…kinda ironic when being on a superbike is the exact opposite of that!  But for me it works.

You need time for the world to stop, for the noise to recede – especially the noise in your head – and you need time to breathe. Find that time – whether it’s out in nature, on a hike, sitting by the beach or walking barefoot on the grass – take the time to be still.  Take the time to be.

And in the stillness, be OK with being slow…

Don’t be afraid of the slow moments.  They give us time to practice who we’re meant to be – they give us room to navigate changes, to catch ourselves before we steam headlong into trouble, and breathing room to ask the hard questions.  Slow moments give us clarity and open us up for growth.  It’s good to go slow.

We all need to reset.  We all need time and space to make those small course corrections in order to catch ourselves – and to keep us moving forward in the direction we want to go. So take a week, take a day, take an hour – but take the time to check out to check in, and make sure you’re continually bringing yourself back to who you’re meant to be.